Lisa Gschweng is the “top cookie” at Get Cheeky, a new home-based bakery in Orangevale where new suspects arrive weekly, and some don’t stick around for long. Photo by Thomas J. Sullivan

CITRUS HEIGHTS, CA (MPG) - My cheeks were flushed. It started as an ordinary day, just an ordinary news assignment.

I was to meet a representative of the Get Cheeky Police Department and meet with a representative of the Organized Crumbs Division. The alleged crimes: “felony snack and run, aggravated craving, premeditated dessert consumption and organized crumb distribution.”

I read the witness statement.

“At approximately 7:42 pm, witnesses reported a fresh batch emerging from the oven. Within minutes, multiple victims admitted they “only planned to eat one.” The suspects vanished shortly thereafter.”

The case was filed by C. Bakewell.

I accepted a black rectangular box from the “Syndicate,” complete with a confidential dossier case file inside and soon began my investigation.

At five inches and weighing in at more than eight ounces, I was told that Get Cheeky cookies don’t tend to stay in custody for very long before they’re gobbled up and then disappear.

The dossier file was filled with six “Red Flag” known troublemakers, elements of the chocolate gang which I was warned to approach with extreme caution.

I was told by my source that the box contains “pure chaos, unreal flavor, zero self-control and a reason to smile.”

I also kept a close eye on six “Sweet Talkers” who were exceptionally smooth operators.

And I couldn’t ignore the “Usual Suspects,” six classic cookie flavors with long rap sheets.

Would I be tripped up by six “Scene Stealers” who were certainly attention getters?

Anything could happen and the cookie crumbles could lead just about anywhere.

And If I wasn’t careful the “evidence” would soon be all over my face.

Lisa Gschweng, the “top cookie” at Get Cheeky, a new home-based bakery in Orangevale said new suspects arrive weekly, and some don’t stick around for long.

Her signature, giant over-the-top cookies, apparel, and collectible “merch” feature a rotating lineup of suspects every week available for local pickup in Orangevale.

Several hundred cookies into her caper, Gschweng is preparing for a grand opening launch across the communities of Orangevale, Fair Oaks and Citrus Heights.

Gschweng left an executive position in an area non-profit sector last year and decided to follow her passion to create her own custom cookie start up.

 A sample black rectangular box of six individual Get Cheeky Cookies are packaged with a special confidential dossier case file inside. Photo courtesy of Get Cheeky

In time, she obtained necessary license as a home-based, cottage kitchen and began testing recipes. Cookies are made from a mix of low-gluten all-purpose flour and bread flour. All Get Cheeky Cookies are baked without regret and made with dangerous levels of love, she said.

She also cautions customers with food allergies that her cottage kitchen handles wheat, dairy, eggs, soy, peanuts, tree nuts and coconut.

“It took time in research and development to refine the recipe for each cookie and its finished look,” she said.

The crime-themed marketing program is a collaborative effort with her husband Shane and inspired by her son who is a police officer.

One by one, each suspect cookie recipe which was developed in Gschweng’s home kitchen and added to Get Cheeky’s classified flavor files developed a rap sheet and a back story.

Get Cheeky aren’t just cookies.

“It’s a varied lineup of suspects with very distinct personalities and questionable judgment,” Gschweng explained.

“Captain Chaos”, the suspected cookie ringleader, best known for red hot cinnamon heat, tart blue raspberry stripes, and smooth cream cheese glaze has his own sticker and merchandise.

So too does “Road Rage”, a rich dark chocolate suspect with almonds and marshmallow that is well known to be a troublemaker.

Twenty-seven different cookie flavors have been developed so far, and more seasonal varieties are planned, she said.

Cookies can be ordered in groups of two, four and six. Delivery is free within 15 miles of Orangevale.

Sudden side effects of eating a Get Cheeky Cookie could include sudden happiness, cheeky behavior and poor decisions, she warned.

I took a second look at the classified flavor files. They were a crumbly bunch I’d love to get my fingers on.

Maybe “Birthday Suit,” tasting of vanilla-almond cake flavor with cake crunch and a “Nut Job”, known to feature peanut butter, peanuts and toffee had already made their getaway.

Perhaps they were hanging out with “Dirty Doodle,” caught red-handed in an alluring whiff of Espresso, cream cheese flavor and chocolate drizzle

“Chunky Cheeks” with chocolate, walnuts, pretzels, and butterscotch chips couldn’t get very far so long as “Chunky Dunker” made with a mix of Espresso, malt balls, biscotti and Graham crackers planned their getaway.

Today, I lowered my defenses and curled up next to one of “Granny’s Cheeks” – known to lower anyone’s defenses with the home style flavors of apple pie, streusel and apple drizzle.

My resistance was rapidly crumbling and next time I’d have to take the heat of a “Hot Mess,” a Cheeky cookie built like cornbread, who is known to behave like trouble.

I’m lucky my suspect today wasn’t just “Hot and Bothered,” especially known for raising temperatures everywhere it goes.

A thick mango-pineapple cheeky loaded with tropical fruit and chamoy, crowned with a glowing jewel of mango-pineapple chamoy at its center just might have raised my blood pressure a bit more than I can handle.

The greater Orangevale, Fair Oaks and Citrus Heights community is invited to join the Cheeky community for new flavor drops, merchandise and exclusive content at getcheekycookies.com.